


Fix You

by Candeecake



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Blood and Injury, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt James T. Kirk, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Mind Meld, Romance, T'hy'la
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28598958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Candeecake/pseuds/Candeecake
Summary: Captain James T Kirk has doors in his mind he can never remember. What happens when the aftermath of a kidnapping pries open the door, leaving him physically and emotionally ruined?Spock vows to help him, no matter the odds.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 3
Kudos: 59





	Fix You

**Author's Note:**

> Started watching the original series over quarantine. Joining the star trek fandom! I have a long way to go.
> 
> Please enjoy our space husbands with a dash of hurt/comfort!

The ground was a sea of blood and clawed up dirt. Skies of smoke and faded sunsets hung above him. His hands etched with the shadow of corpses. Jim couldn’t move, laying still in the dust. Hopelessness circled him like a shadow. The heavy pangs of heartache bleed out his chest. His friends drowned in their hunger and tried to taste Jim himself. His last memories of them were of betrayal.

Jim tended not to eat much, instead kept himself busy with work. He piled his plates with paperwork, avoiding food. He only ate when necessary. When Bones insisted on dining with him, a crew dinner or when Jim could feel his body fading. He ate food so that no one noticed that their Captain had his painful past consuming him.

The darkness was a storm of fear and comfort. Rough daggers in the form of unwanted touches. Ghost’s hands still lingering on his skin. The fear twisted his body into shudders and shivers. The darkness was also a friend, blinding him of what his Stepfather had done to him. Jim had hugged the shadows close, ignoring the evil light in the monster’s eyes. He could feel who he was in the dark. He could imagine himself untainted by pain and anguish. He could be nobody and anybody. His imagination provided stories onto the stage that the darkness created. 

With darkness, showed him stars. The specks of light reminded him of hope. They didn’t shine on him, rather revealed the paths he could go. The stars danced with the sea of the night sky. Darkness gave him light, just enough so he could live.

Jim knew that his mind flashed back to his abuse in random instances. A word, a sound, a color, anything. He kept his head up high, refusing to bend down to his memories. Every time, there was a clang of the table-he could hear the snapping leather of his stepfather’s belt. Sometimes there were bad days where the anguish pulled on his mind and heart, hoping to break him.

His painful past was a tool, a knife. Something that could be used to cut him. To shatter and to mold him into nothingness. Being a captain, he was used to being targeted. He had been kidnapped several times in the past. They tried to break him with physical pain. All their weapons and methods were nothing. He gritted his teeth and smiled.

Jim couldn’t remember much. Only that his mind had been screaming and his blood froze. The world stopped and he could feel himself smelling the smoke of Tarsus IV and the shadows of Frank’s unwanted touches. The world began to crack as did he. Jim couldn’t remember much, but he knew that the Enterprise was safe. Spock was safe.

Jim could feel himself falling in love with Spock. His heartbeat raced faster every time he saw him. Butterflies swarmed in his chests. It was painful, but a good kind of pain. In the dark, he could imagine Spock and him. Adventures, possible dates, and morning afters. In the dark, he could be who he wanted to be. He imagined he was with Spock.

Jim woke up in the sickbay, the lights blinding him. The memories of his torture were fresh in his mind. His body ached with past and present injuries. Jim laid in the bed, painting constellations on the eggshell white ceiling. He couldn’t speak or move. If he did anything, Jim could risk falling apart. He stayed there, fading on Bones and Spock. 

“Bones-Spock,” Jim wheezed out, the sound of his own voice startled him. He gulped painfully as they stared at him. Bones rushed over, holding a scanner on his face. Spock studied him carefully.

“Jim-”

“What happened?” Jim whispered, wincing in pain. Spock touched his shoulder briefly. “Did they-did they finally get me?” He shuddered, feeling slow panic rise in his chest. Jim tried to move, but a mixture of pain, exhaustion, and drugs weighed him down.

“Captain, what do you remember?” Spock asked, holding him down. Bones watched Jim with the eyes of the hawk.

“My mind-was-was..on fire. It was burning, and my body-” Jim let out a shaky breath, sobs about to wrack his chest. “It was too much.”

“Jim, you look like hell,” Bones admitted, biting his lips.

“I’m afraid...that I’m gonna break myself. I feel fragile-I don’t feel like myself.” Jim said weakly. Bones looked at him with eyes clouded by pity. Spock touched him gently as Jim glanced at him. “It’s like, they took every-regret or painful memory and made me relive it. I-I could just-feel it burning me. It was too much-” 

“I could help you, if you so wished,” Spock offered. Jim chuckled dryly and painfully.

“Spock, every time I try to put the memory back-it hurts. It burns. I-I can’t-can’t burns you too,” Jim wheezed, staring into the wall. Tears sprinkled down his face, the memories still burning his mind. Bones spoke something about observation but he could feel himself fading back into his mind. 

Spock pressed his forehead to Jim, mumbling some sort of Vulcan language. He muttered one thing to him in English.  _ “Please.” _

“No.” Jim smiled sadly, closing his eyes. He memorized the gentleness of Spock, tightening the feeling into his memory. His mind was on fire, memories were spilling. However, Jim set it safely in an untouched part of his brain. “I’ll-be..okay.”

Spock noticed his lie, his heart heavy. Slowly, he left him to rest as Bones nudged him to leave. Dr. Mccoy put another shot of medicine in, watching his friend breathe. The day had taken a severe toll on everyone. The Bridge was filled with unrest and uncomfortable silence. The entire ship seemed to be stuck in time, unmoving. The ar felt denser.

The night passed on slowly as the stars spun around them. The crew insisted Spock take the night off. Uhura had bombarded him with logic, sewing Spock speechless. Once again Spock was surprised by humans. And once again, he sat by his Captain's side.

Jim stared at the view above him. The bland ceiling was blurry like something out of a dream. The fire in his mind roared but in small instances, it was a mere flicker. His body still ached with gruesome wounds and past bruises. He could still faintly remembered his torture. 

“Captain?” Spock asked softly. Jim darted his eyes to his first officer and grinned slightly.

“Spock, how -how’s the-” Jim stammered, his throat dry from what must have been screaming.

“The ship and crew are well. We all await your return to command.”

“That’s good,” Jim whispered, blinking slowly. 

“Jim. How are you? I would prefer for you to answer honestly,” Spock said, observing Jim’s small forced smile that didn’t reach his faded eyes...

“I-I will be fine,” He winced at the sound of his voice almost breaking.

“You are not fine at this current moment. Please let me know if there is anything I can assist you with.” Jim’s eyes soon became glossy, about to overflow with tears. He tried to will his emotions down, knowing a storm was approaching. “I wish to be a friend that you can be vulnerable with. You are a very strong being, I know that we cannot be in control of our feelings at all times.”

“I-I’m afraid-” Jim could feel a slow stream of tears down his battered face. “That I wish you to be more-which is totally not fair.” Jim let out a painful gasp, feeling a bit dizzy at his confession. Spock paused for a few heartbeats.

“What is not fair in these circumstances is that you have neglected me of my response-which would be that I wish the same.” The words spoken hung in the air before hitting Jim. The fire in his mind battered down and he could feel a wave of pure happiness. “I wish to be more than friends.”

“You do?” Jim whispered in disbelief. Spock inched closer to him, pressing a warm palm to his chest. “Is this real?”

“My desire to be together in the mind, body, and soul is-” Spock pressed his forehead to Kirk’s. His fingers knitted away Jim’s tears. “For a lack of a word, is insurmountable.” He kissed him on the lips, embracing the moment like a rainstorm. Their emotions and heartbeats flooded them overwhelmed, never wanting to let go. Jim’s walls began to break, letting Spock into his mind. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jim rested peacefully in the dim hospital light. Spock returned to the sickbay after a dozen reports. Being a Captain was always done effortlessly when Jim sat in the chair. Spock’s eyes flickered down to Jim’s battered face. He could feel him and his chest rising and falling. Jim did indeed look like “hell.”

“Spock, I think Scotty is looking for you,” Bones said, sauntering in. He shut his lips instantly seeing the two men in the light. 

“I shall see what he wants in a few hours.”

“Spock, did you make out with Jim?” Bones asked, fiddling with a syringe in his hand. Spock blushed a forest green, avoiding Bones’ glare. They looked at Jim in silence. “He told me under some pretty heavy painkillers.”

“Yes, we are together in a romantic sense,” Spock said, turning his head. “Our relationship will not affect the Enterprise in-”

I don’t care about the Enterprise, I care about you too. I’m happy for you,” Bones chuckled, walking forward a bit.

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Everyone on the ship calls you two Space Husbands,” Bones teased, arching his eyebrow. 

“Jim and I do not-” Spock started to say before Jim let out a small yawn.

“I think you would be the best medicine for Jim right now.” Spock watched Jim start to awake. His blue eyes glistened in the twilight-like lighting. Spock carefully touched his hand, admiring the warmth from his pal. Bones chuckled behind him. “Doctor’s orders.”

\-----------------------------------

Jim opened his eyes to find Spock holding his hands. He relaxed slightly and grinned at him. Spock’s eyes glittered with happiness before giving a small smile. 

“How’s the crew taking orders?”

“Jim, were you aware that the crew refers to us as ‘space husbands’?” Spock asked. 

“I wasn’t,” Jim laughed heartily, wincing at the pain of his chest. 

“How are you feeling?”

Jim’s smile vanished as he laid back into the bed. His eyes became faint, staring at the wall. “Would you believe me if I said I was fine?”

“No, I would not,” Spock confessed, putting a hand on Jim’s shoulder. Jim took a shaky breath. “Talk to me, Jim.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“At the beginning. This time I will be with you,” Spock soothed, caressing Jim’s cheek.

“It’s a really long story-do we even have time?”

“We have all the time in the universe,” Spock whispered, pressing his forehead against Jim’s. 

“That seems illogical-”

“ _ T’hy’la _ , When it comes it you, anything is possible even the illogical.” Jim kissed him deeply, chuckling into the kiss.


End file.
